Story of a Girl Who Missed Her Old Routine

First of all..

WELCOME DECEMBER!!!

Desember might be my third favorite month of the year since it means that holiday is coming soon and Christmast decoration all over the world.

And even though I am living in a tropical country, but still, seeing snow falling down in almost all of the TV shows, world-wide news broadcast-not to mention the chance to see various style combination of coats and boots (since I haven't got the chance to wear both in Indonesia :') *sobs), I am supppaaaaaa excited :DD

I was just came back from doing Capacity Building which this year name becoming "Holiday Camp".

At first I am anxious and scared for not being able to deal with all those physical training, since I haven't doing all those things for almost....3 years now? wew, time does fly.

But this Capacity Building was easier than....let say Outbond (re: pelantikan dari Pra-CA ke CA). No mental training. Yes, there are a lot of physical training but I still can "curi-curi" and the trainer will do nothing about it; maybe it's because there are more than 1400 people and they can't keep their eyes one by one-but still! besides the "nyemplung got" part, I can handle all of the activity well.

Thank God I joined BY in my high-school year so I am trained to be tough.

I am not complained much about the training (bukan anak BY kalau kerjaannya ngeluh!), not having the rempongness attack before the departure day (belum packing H-1 udah panik? btch please, anak BY bisa (dan harus bisa) packing dalam hitungan 30 detik tjoy), the ability of survive with the limited resources-with no complain-.

Not only the physical and survival matters, but all of the bravery I had (kaya punya aje lau San), all of the nekat habits that I had, the soft-skill, the leadership basic, I got all of that during my 2 years period of becoming an active member in BY. So, that was probably the best thing that happened in my high-school. 

Indeed, the training was hard, it even go faaaar beyond hard. But it all worth the price. The value is priceless.

Remember when I was in my junior year and all those seniors saying that it might hard surviving the training but once you succeeded, you will get what you will not get in other places, I wasn't believe in any of those words yet now I really feel the value of joining 5 kinds of pelantikan, kumpul siang 3 days every week, all of 'em!

Dulu para senior selalu bilang, "anak BY itu pemberani, pasti sebagian besar kuliahnya merantau keluar Bali"

Well, memang sih kuliah di luar bukan ukuran keberanian atau kemandirian. But still, that was one of the indicators right?

And now I feel it. Aku bisa pergi ke tempat yang bahkan belum pernah aku kunjungi sebelumnya, sendirian. he he

Kalau bukan karena BY, mungkin aku ga bakal berani pergi sendiri ketempat yang aku ga pernah datangin sendiri naik kendaraan umum dan cuma berbekal info dari internet.

And that, was the privilege. With all of the information on the internet, the ability of speaking Indonesia (yaelah kalo nyasar juga di Indo-Indo sini kan?), apalagi bawa duit cukup. No reason not to be brave enough to go out alone, all by yourself. Remember, you are the only person you can count on, everytime, 7/24.

About the leadership skill.

Dulu kalau ga mau jadi leader malah dimarah, kena push-up.

So, we have to volunteer ourselves to become a leader in every chance that we got.

No sexism-even though you are the only girl on your batch, especially when you are.

No excuse to be spoiled or making yourselves exclusive just because you are the only girl.

And BY probably the place where I learned to be a leader for the first time.

With the chance for being elected as Ketua II in my batch governing period; I learned how to organizing an organization, how to make an event run successfully, how to work with people who didn't want to work with you, and the most important thing; how to learn from other people's ability and see things from different perspective.

And that skill was sharpened when I was joining my council in the previous uni.

I learned that being a leader means that you have to listen more, serve more, not being served by ones who have elected you and gave the opportunity to represent them.

I learned that being a leader sometimes means that you got no credit of all the works you have done sincerely, while take all the blame for all the mistakes and works that you've done imperfectly.

I learned that committing into something that you volunteerly signed means that you have to be ready every time they needed you, even that means you have to sacrifice something (re: waktu tidur, jalan-jalan, belajar, dan ehem, pacaran)

And this quote that I always remember about life of a leader, more or less sounds like this, "Diatas itu cuma ada tempat untuk satu orang. Dan itu alasan mengapa terkadang orang yang berada di posisi atas sering merasa kesepian"

You have to be ready to be lonely. Because sometimes when people need you, you're busy doing your job and that's why when you need them and they're not able to be there accompany you, you can't complain. 

That was the risk of being a leader. But once again, what you will get after, it's priceless.

Remembering my year of becoming a student council member, I miss those good 'ol days.

PUSC 2014 full team-The Heart of True Leaders

One of my friend said in the farewell party of the student union and the student council there was a video when I was elected to be the Project Manager of The student union presidential election-I don't even know that it was recorded HAHAHAHA I must be looked like pieces of shit-and he said that I am missed.

Just so they know, I miss them too. I miss having plenary meeting until late of night, brainstorming about the current issue, and probably the thing that I missed the most: the internal meeting with Commission II. I never felt like it was a meeting because my beloved Head of Commission always makes us feel comfortable while working and solving the problem. He never pushes us to be certain person;he takes us for who we are and ready to complement every each of us, he gave us the chance to grow yet still watched us to keep on the right track. He is such a good leader and I've learned a lot from him:))

((pura-pura sipit sih bisa, pura-pura putih yang susah :"( hiks))

Also the amazing partners who elected become the Chairperson and Vice-Chairperson OMG I am thrilled when I heard that they're both got elected:") Im'ma proud ex-partner! No need to explain how amazing they are since they've both elected to run the next 1-year-period. OMG I AM SO PROUD

Our commission might be the ansos-est commission among them, but I can proudly claimed that we have the strongest bonds too :D

I am 100% sure that one day we will see each other have reached all of our dreams and goals, reminiscing the nights that we've spent struggling-well, struggling doesn't seem the right phrase since I never felt struggling working with such wonderful person.

Absolutely will see them on top!

Once I have dreamed to continue and becoming the Chairperson of the council, though.

Throwback almost one year ago, The Inauguration Day.

I remember that me and my BY buds, Angga, once made promise that we both have to rule the Campus and becoming the leader of our organization. 

At the beginning of the recruitment period, Angga was so sure about joining the student union while I was confused. I feel like the union wasn't the right place for me, I feel like I belong to the student council, even the student council's socialization on my orientation week was boring (and it reflect on how people see us, boring -_-//)

but I want to be on the same organization since we used to worked together.

Then Angga said, "Kalo kamu emang feeling more likely to join PUSC, then go ahead. Nanti aku jadi Presiden di PUSU dan kamu jadi Chairperson di PUSC. Biar anak BY yang rule PU"

So, I applied to the student council and he applied to the student union. Thank God we're both accepted.

Then on the inauguration day, I took the photo above and uploaded on my Path account with the caption "Guidebook 2015? Amin"

Why Guidebook 2015? Because usually in the front of the Orientation Guidebook, it's consist of the welcoming speech from both Chairperson and President, so it was kind of our prayer to be able to write down our speech on behalf of Chairperson and President.

Unfortunately, we're both couldn't make it! Hahaha

But he is still serving on the Union, as one of the Minister. Keep up the good work, bro:)

Sometimes I feel like I missed having hectic days with all of those organization stuffs.

Especially when all of your close friends now having a high position on their organization-Meryka as Vice PUMA, Angga as Minister of Student Activity, James as Chairperson, Feli as Vice Chairperson.

Joining committees is quite challenging, but signing into an organization needs more effort and commitment.

At some point I feel like I'd like to join one in here: I even almost signed myself on the student council.

But then I have a second thought, I feel like I don't belong there. Moreover, I don't want to found myself in disappointment and work under-pressure if it happened that the student council here is not like what I expected it should be-and I know it is not.

So for now I just joined a committee. I even choose which committee I would like to join.

Arrogant? You name it.

I just want to give the best of me in every committee that later on I will join.

I don't want to join committee just for popped-up and exist on campus, even if it's mean that I have to join, let say, the Equipment Division.

Well, no offense. If there are no Equipment Division the event will not run successfully. Every division are important

But there are some person who applied with no direction or goals, and they will just apply the "easy" division just because they only want to join in many committee and seems to be the world most busiest creature.

My favorite division to apply? I still think that Event Organizer will suits me best to develop myself because I'd love to organize things and see all of the schedule run based on the plan.

Then, I found myself doesn't feel satisfied enough. 

I still feel that I haven't see and learn enough from people.

I decided to join a new zone; Volunteering!

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others"-Mahatma Gandhi

So far I have signed into 2 Volunteering activities and they're both organization. What a blessed :))

Hopefully I could accomplish all of those organization goals and make a better future for Indonesia, even for the world!

I wish that all of my expectation about these volunteer thingy will be fulfilled.

What I've became on both organization?

I am becoming the Social Media Admin and Head of Human Resources and Research Development.

Well, from the first thing first.

I apply as the social media admin because I want to experience in the field of virtual public relation.

I thought that becoming an admin will be not as hard as this, but honestly, we have to think first then watch all of the things that we said because it will be read by a lot of people. We have to choose the proper word and make people interested to look at the information.

Go on to the second position.

I got this acceptance email on D-1 of my Capacity Building Departure.

I was applying as the Head of Treasurer and Controller (the same old comfort zone), Public Relation (I don't know why I got interested in PR thingy lately.....), and Human Resources and Research Development.

This is really a nekat move since I know that a lot of people that have more experience will apply and I have to take the risk to be eliminated.

But then I think, it is now or never. Besides, I have nothing to loose.

At first, I was intended to apply as the manager only for TC division, but it seems that we applied for manager for all of the division we're interested into.

Honestly, I was thinking about placing the HRRD staff on my first choice because.....I love to do research, I love to discover new things, I love to see facts with numbers in order to convince other........(LOL)

But I think that I would like to have more experience in TC field, and I also have a background on it, so I placed it on my number 1 choice.

This problem with me, I still afraid of leaving my comfort zone.

Thank God, He always gave the best for me. I am choosen as the Head of HRRD.

Yes, I feel excited but also I am nervous because this is a completely new field for me.

Hopefully I could do this job with the best effort that I have because this job was a humanity mission in order to make a better nation-completely match my vision :))

I still got a lot of bucket list to do, yet I feel like I haven't got much time to do it.

With all of this soft-skill development, I have to remember my main job to make my parents proud.

The main reason why I am not joining any of organizational activity in my campus (but end up having more outside :p), is because I would like to have a better grade than I had in my previous uni.

No excuse to let them down because this is the second-and last-chance to make them proud after what I have done to them (emang pernah ngapain sih San?)

Yaudah sih gitu aja, mau hibernasi lagi abis Capacity Building.

See you on top, lads!-

Sandya :*

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Thoughts on a Rainy Friday

Bila kau sanggup untuk melupakan dia 
Biarkan aku hadir dan menata 
Ruang hati yang telah tertutup lama 
Jika kau masih ragu untuk menerima
Biarkan hati kecilmu bicara 
Karena ku yakin kan datang saatnya 
Kau jadi bagian hidupku

I was just listened to Tulus new cover song which originally sang by Jikustik named "1000 tahun lamanya"

And listened to that song, felt like Tulus was singing just for me, begging me to forget about my ex and be with him

LOL if that really happened, he doesn't need to sang a song for me, I would just bump into him <-- (((MURAH BANGET)))

This gonna be a random post. Since I didn't actually intended to make one, tho.

So, started from what I've done since this morning.........well, I've done nothing

I am supposed to study for my mid-term exam, which will still be held for 3 days

the remaining subjects will be : Principle to Economics; Indonesian Language; and Principle of Accounting.

I still haven't got the right pattern to study, besides, I still think that most of this semester's subjects is repetation from what I've got in my previous campus-that pretty much the main reason of why I still got enough sleep, went to the movie D-3 before my exam, or update my blog like this ._.v

And by the way, one of my mom's friend gave me Lapis Bogor. Lumayan lah ya buat ngemil-ngemil cantik :9

The perks of having a cool mom who has friends all over the world from banker to house-mom :3 *imma proud daugther*
But unfortunately, I didn't got that skill from my mom. I am awkward in making friends *sobs*

Oh, yesterday...

My Laptop gone crazy. It didn't want to get in to the desktop-it just freeze at the home of Windows 8

Than, I asked one of my friend to look over what's wrong with my laptop

At first, my laptop can got into the desktop. Then he told me to restart it just to make sure there is nothing wrong anymore.

But then, it went freeze again........than I started to freak out.

And I asked him to do everything even if all of the data will be deleted.

Suddenly, one of my friend asked, "Itu foto mantan udah di backup belum?"

It hits me..........FOTOKU SAMA DIA KAN CUMA ADA DI LAPTOP...........then I had a second thought

..........

I still think.....

...........

I decided to let it all go. Maybe this is somekind of God's way to tell me that I should let all things about him laid back on the past.

Actually, I didn't see our photos that frequent.
But still, seeing that photos is the only way for me to keep my sanity well and proofs that he ever loved me and all of that feeling was real-not only happened in my imagination.

My friend saw the changes of my expression, "Yaudah sih entar minta aja lagi ke dia"

YAKAL3333 he even blocked me and unfriend me. Still a chance he kept our photos?

No. It doesn't even happened in my wildest dream.

So, what can I do now if I missed him?

I dreamed of him; I even see someone looked like him at campus, and I don't know it is just me or he really looked like him._.

Not only the photos of him makes me miserable.

My graduation photos, My jalan-jalan photos. My songs. My movie stocks which I gathered from various people. My I-Pod back up, My Note-3 back up. The songs. The presentations. The slides I've got from my lecturers both in PU and STAN. The final or mid-exam papers that I've made resulting of that lack-of-sleep-nights back then. The MOM of all meetings that I've attended. The rundown of event that I've made. The mails. The essays. The accountability reports. The proposals. The CV! ALL.

Poof! And it's all gone now...

Even including the Ms. Office application.

So, I barely can do anything with my current laptop now.

That could probably ruined my mood for a whole week.

......

And Oh! I saw this picture yesterday.

Guess who suddenly popped up in my mind after reading that quotes?

You bet it.

Doesn't it feel right when you found someone whom you feel can be shared your whole life with?

Up until now, I just can picture myself to that stage with one person...

I feel like we can drown ourselves in silence, yet still understand the meaning of our silence moment.

He's awkward, I am too. And his awkwardness was perfectly match mine.

This quote happen to explained this situation; "I loved him not for the way he danced with my angels, but for the way the sound of his name could silence my demons"

I could drooling about how we met, how I feel in love with him, how we could share those wonderful days and the late-night phone calls, how could I survived the last 6 years loving him that much.

I still remember the feeling of him holding my hands; the jealousy; the heartbreaks; the butterflies when we kissed; the motivation I had because I know that every time I done something excellent, he will be proud of me; the faith that he had on me, even when I don't believe in myself.

Especially the last one...he could be my number one fans back then.

He almost on the top of my reason lists every time I've done something.

Guess why I didn't push my parents to allow me to enter my senior high school's choice? Because of him. He choose that school. And I think by being in the different school will make me easier to move on.

Guess why I didn't choose Unpad even I'd already accepted in my dream major? Because being in Unpad means that I have to be on the same city with him, and Faculty of Economics is near to ITB. Once again, I thougt being in the different school wasn't enough. What if different city will make it works?

I was wrong again.

What it takes for me to finally move on?

Another heartache.

Another guy who showed me that I am loved. That I should gave anyone else a spot to replace him.

Another good-guy who I wasted because I think that he can't love me like he could.

Truth to be told; there is someone out there who could do even BETTER.

Realizing that there is a wine in front of you, yet you still wait for another mineral water. 

Such a waste? Guess you only know you loved him when you let him go.

I am not that kind of sceptical person; I am more likely believe that if there is something happened, maybe it is the universe way to tell you whether you're doing it wrong or right.

So, when something happened, for instance: The accident of my laptop. I will think that it's God's way to remind me that I should let D go. He had a new life that doesn't include me on it. And I have a future that only God knows how it will be. But I believe it will be the best for me.
Or, why I have dream about D then saw someone who look like him on the next 2 days? Maybe that was a reminder that I am not ready for any new relationship and should focus on my goals, instead.

Daym, I sound just like Ted Mosby.
But that is why I worship Ted Mosby THAT much.

I feel like I can relate him so much. I could feel the pain every time Robin get back with him, just to be left at the end.

Still, he patiently loved Robin, because-quoted from his own word to Lily-,

"There's a word for that: It's LOVE. If you are looking for a word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you; it's LOVE. And when you love someone, YOU JUST DON'T STOP. Ever. EVEN WHEN PEOPLE ROLL THEIR EYES OR CALL YOU CRAZY. Even then, especially then! You just dont give up. Because if I could give up, if I could just take the whole world's advice and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love! That would be some other dispensable thing that is not worth fighting for."

That used to be my excuse to keep my love for "the love of my life". But now, I realized that he might be suit me best by being my bestfriend.

I've known him for almost half of my ages. He has known me since I am still wearing that blue skirt, up until now I could wear make up by myself.

He knew how I study, he knew how it takes to make me shut up, he knew that I loved being spoiled but love doing everything by myself, he knew how stubborn I am, he knew that I used to be so boyish, he knew my darkest secret which only him that knew about it, he knew that I like green, he knew I like white-roses, and all other little things.

And what I knew about him?

Okay, where should we start, hmm...

I knew that he is close to his mom and his eldest sister. I knew that he was born a day before Galungan. I knew he like blue. I knew he used to play online game so much. I knew that he like number 8 because it reflect infinity. I knew he had a problem with his eyes even before he wore glasses. He can't stayed up too long (kebalikan w bgt). He doesn't like spicy food (this one too). I knew he is hardly ever express his feeling, but I always perceive this as the result of "he doesn't believe in me" when it's not. But yeah, he's difficult to believe in people. And still a lot of lists that I could mention until you bored and skip to the next post :p

And that is why, when I read his #20factsaboutme, I saw no surprise. I even know more :p

Then why this post told most about him eventually?

hahaha, I just miss him, I think.

I can't be with him. I don't feel like I could forgive him after what he's done to me.

I can't even forgive myself if I eventually forgive him and love him again.........
Yes, I love him. But not as much or the same way as I used to.

I love him the way I love my best friend, or maybe even less than that.

Also, I am preparing my self to love somebody else.

I don't want to make the same mistake for.....the fourth time?

EH more deng, not to mention "my Jacob"(s) that ended up in the friend zone :') 

I am truly apologized :")

*btw, note to my future boyfriend husband, If I could love the wrong person that much, can you imagine how much can I love you? Only God knows, babe, where ever you are and with who ever you are now*

So, here I can conclude that

I am not ready to fall in love, not nearly in this time.

1. I still think about my last ex most of the time

2. I still think that "the love of my life" as the standard of how guys should understand me. It is not fair since he had longer time to understand me. Any guy who gave exact time might understand me better.

3. I still have a long list to do-chasing summa, volunteering (not to brighten up my CV, since I've already got work later on (Astungkara)), making friends, doing anything without any limitation, travel as much as I can, shop until my balance reduce its digit, start to fund my life on my own (at least dari dulu w ga pernah minta uang hedon lebih), back to my last hobby and stay for hours at library or bookstores, and so on and so forth.

The bottom line is, I feel that I haven't got enough time to be on my own.

I am really an introvert, aren't I?

I live at my room most of the time alon, gone shopping alone, sipping coffee on my favourite coffee shop alone, yet still feel that I am not alone enough?

Something wrong with me. HELP

wish me luck for the following exams-

Sandya

0

Happy Father's Day!

People say that today is Father's Day but I have no idea that the "Father's Day" was actually exsisted ._.

So, to celebrate this day, I would like to tell you a brief introduction about my dad.

Fortunately I have this amazing guy as my father. He is extremly smart (I adore his level of intelegence) which pretty much the reason why I fall in love soooooo easily with smart guys (please pardon my weakness)
He has the same zodiac as me, we both Aquarians. So, we're pretty much alike:D
He know exactly that we're similar, that's why when I start to worry about the lecture that I don't understand, he always told me that we have the same level of intelegence. Back then on his college year, he was never study yet he could graduated with quite impressive mark. That is why he always convinced me that I can do a lot better than he had done. He also the one who pump-up my confidence with these words, "Kalau Sakdek aja gak bisa, coba bayangkan berapa banyak orang juga yang lebih gak bisa"

He also the one who told me to drink Sterilized Milk, when I got laryngitis after my orientation week. I almost run out of my antibiotics, and he knew that I don't really like to consume medicine unless I really have to. So, he told me to drink sterilized milk. I once ever drank that milk but i hate it because it taste plain. Then I push myself and think, at least this milk taste better and healtier than consuming more tablets of medicine. It only need one bottle to make me better, and I told my dad. He just laughed and said, "we have pretty much the same body condition. That is why I knew you'd get better after drink that milk, because it did the same to my body."

Look how similar we looked

My mom said that he is not romantic. At all. Indeed, I agree. But once he did something romantic, it will be beyooooooooooooond sweet :">

 

The picture above is the example. That was all flowers that I received on my sweet 17th bday surprise last year (can't believe it has already a year!). Guess who gave me the biggest bucket? My father. When I complained about how it wasted on a bucket of flower that will eventually rot, instead of something that will last for longer time, he just said, "I know you love it when people gave you flower. So I bought the biggest one to show you that even there will be a man you love or any man that will love you later on, still I will be the man who love you the most" PAK YOU BRING IT TO THE WHOLE NEW LEVEL!! (btw I knew he was reffered to the white rose bucket over there, tho :p)

As long as I remembered, there was one time that he disappoint me. It just happend last year. The first time I came back from Jakarta to have my holiday at home. It was December, when people was busy with close-book thingy and my dad is the one who responsible for his whole bureau. I barely saw him at home: he went to office before I woke up in the morning and came back home late at night when I have already felt asleep. I was upset. I think how could he done this to me when I rarely be at home and experienced the moment with family.

The peak was at the new-year-eve. He was at office, having another extra-hour. I was at home just with my mom and my sister. I was offered having a new-year eve with my friend but I refuse because I knew it would sadden my mom. Besides, I had quite a fight with my, ekhm, current boyfie, so I just want to stay at home. So, the 2014 new-year eve was a bad night-probably the worst new-year eve I've experienced-but I have no idea that 2014 will be such a blessed year to me:))

But quietly, he wrote a note that convey his deepest apologize. I remember that specifically he said he was sorry for not being able to be home with his family, especially with me who just came back from Jakarta... omg I'm teary now:'

"tinggi BESAR ya kaya bapaknya" -> the most frequent line I've heard from people, yet I hate the most-_-

Last weekend he finally visit me after he promised a visit to me after my orientation week. He picked me at campus then take me to hotel before he took me to bookstore and bought me a looooot of books and remind me how I used to spend all of my money in bookstore which result on my myopia now._. and he keep asking me "udah segitu aja?" or "hayo mau beli apa lagi?" even after he took me to my favourite boutique. 

Once we arrived at hotel, he asked me to make him a coffee then we talked about a lot of thing. About college and, ehm, love. 

I told him about the dreams that I had; about my insecurities I had at college-how people constantly study with no break while they're....I dont know how to say "Putra-Putri pilihan bangsa" in English-then he told me he won't and never see the end result; as long as I am trying and staying.

I don't know where it came from when he suddenly asked, "kata mama ada anak *insert famous specialization here* ngedeketin ya" Well, I knew that my mom will be bocor but I never thought that my dad will ask me.
(Oh no, I remember a few days after the broke up with *you know who* he called me and said "katanya udah putus ya? Belum juga sempat cerita sama bapak kok udah putus aja. Makanya sekali-kali curhat sama bapak dong biar liat dari perspektif cowo")
I told him that mom said No to that guy because he has similar personality with "the love of my life" and she's afraid that he will hurt me too. Then suddenly he said that "the love of my life" was definetely a BIG NO. "Tapi dengan alasan yang berbeda dari mama, bapak juga gak setuju sebenernya kalo sakdek sama dia. Pertama...blablabla" I don't really gave a damn since I knew he's not worth the fight AND I SHOULD'VE REALIZED THAT FUCKING 6 YEARS AGO but late is better than never tho.
He also asked me about.....who should we called him.....the law guy?.....
I should let him go, because if only he's not the son of my uncle, he will definetely out of the list "Kalau aja dia bukan anaknya Iwak, dia juga udah dicoret dari list. Kalau memang dia gentle dia harusnya bilang ke Sakdek, 'Dik kayanya kita gak bisa deh lebih dari sekarang, sepertinya lebih enak sodara aja' atau apa kek. Dan bapak gak percaya Sakdek bisa jatuh cinta sama orang yang cuma ketemu beberapa kali, bahkan cuma ketemu tanpa ngobrol, kalau bukan karena Sakdek pengen berbakti sama orangtua, termasuk sama Iwaknya."......and it hits me. Sebenernya kenapa aku bisa suka banget sama dia? Indeed, we just met twice and the second time we met I ONLY CURI CURI PANDANG FROM DISTANCE OMG fucking pride and ego please go (hey it rhymes!)
Then he also asked about his post-graduate friend's son who my mom said asked about me. I didn't have the guts to say anything, afraid of what he will said or reacted.


The point is, when it came to boys, dad can be pretty scare. Especially my dad, I warned you (note to my future boyfriend husband-wannab, brace yourself) *nowplaying: Magic!-Rude*

He was, still, will, and always have been the king of my heart <3

He is imperfect, yes I know that. He might be pain in the ass sometimes. He has done the things that he might not proud of. And there come some times when I think that he put too much expectation to me, until it scared me. But still he is the perfect father to me. If I could have the chance to have a better dad I would say no because in my eyes he is the most perfect one to me.

I want to emphasize here that, indeed, a father will be his daugther first love and the standard of how he will assess boys in her life.
Unfortunately and fortunately, I have this best dad in the world so I have difficulties to find the similar-if not exact or better- man to him. Kalau bisa sih sampe kastanya juga sama #eh #sumpahkodekeras




Happy Father's Day, Bapak-
kisskiss,

Sandya

0

Survival Guide no #1 : Find a Friend for a Lifetime

Hai Fellas, howtcha doin?
I'm good, overall. I've been trying to adjust myself with this completely new environment.
But guess I just missing the good ol' days in PU :'>

One said that in order to go forward, we have to keep moving on.
I'm trying tho. With all the different circumtances; I used to go out with 3 of my besties, and now I have to go by my own.
I need more time to adapt.

So, here I would like to refresh on How I Met My Gang in PU :p

Once upon a time, there was a girl who never go out of her comfort zone: she used to be under her parent's arm, be safe and always got almost what she wanted. She used to be surrounded by ease in life, until she decided that she can't be like this all the time. So, she start to make a decision that she has to be far from home for couple years. At August 19th, 2013, she depart from Bali with her best-bro Angga, and go to a very little town that doesn't even available to be seen in the map-Cikarang. She was enrolled in President University, the best University in Ki Hadjar Dewantara (lol, thanks Mr. Inyo for the refrences) majoring in Accounting.
At the first day, she found out that she will be lived in Pavillion F5 room number 15-which is the pojokest dorm and it aaaaaaaalways lack of signal. She met her roomate, which she has met before (we talked about that later on), named De'lanona. There are only 4 people in that dorm, including me and Della. The other two were named Tara and Meryka, happened to be other Accounting-ers in PU. And we are best friend ever since ^.^ EEEAAA

But at night, suddenly a girl came out to my room. This girl named Icha. She was Della's friend on twitter (HAHAHA lame bgt sih cara ketemu kalian btw) and she also majoring in Accounting, but she actually graduated on 2012. So, in the beginning of my college life, I was closed to this 4 girl. But for some reasons that I don't really know, Icha started to take distance on us. Not that we're enemy, but we're not as close as we used to be: and it happened up until now.

the 5 of us when throwing Della a birthday surprise on her 18th birtday

The first week was the hardest for me. I was having a bad homesick; I got fever, I cried everytime I got nothing to do-even I cried myself at class. But thank God I got this 4 girls besides me, help me go through my homesick pretty fast.

So, matriculation weeks was a blur to me. Nothing improtant really going on unless I got another 30 friends on my contact list. I actually learned nothing on my matriculation classes, tho.

There it comes the first semester. I and Della were classmate in ACC3, while Tara on ACC1 and Meryka on ACC2. We got our class by a drawing on our orientation week, that's why we were not in the same class. In my new class, I met another 32 people-if I'm not mistaken-who came from various background. There are some friends that pretty close to me at class: Angel, Tito, Sammy, Bianca, Becil, Tiak, Nisa, and much more. They're fun. And to me, this is the best class that I've experienced for 3 semester in PU.

The classes wasn't really thight. We got plenty of free time to waste, not to mention that we haven't got involved in any organization life. So, we waste our time watching films *at 10 pm, one of us will be like "EH NONTON YUK. NONTON HORROR"*, gaining weights "ADUH PENGEN ROKAR", and gossiping people LOLL *buka path pagi2* "EH MASA SI NGANU SAMA SI NGANU KEMARIN KE *insert famous night club here*" "ANJIR SI ITU JAM SEGINI DI JKT AJE" yah the problem of having small campus with limited people-_-

Abis nonton Tenggelamnya Kapal Van der Wijck, celebrating freedom after Mid-term (btw ngapa w aneh bgt disitu yak)

LOL the kepomps yang udah bubar abis jalan 2 kali:( btw ini kita otw ke TA, strawberry cafe, gultik, dan akhirnya tidur di rest area

at YEYO. purely girls' day out

at the beginning of 1st semester; gaboet di Copel nunggu kelas sore

 Aaaaaand I would like to introduce them one by one:

1. Meryka Kasih
Was the oldest but the petitest among us. Born at September 13th, 1994. Gone to Marsud since Elementary School until Senior High. She is my sister in 13th, my sister in cheesee (WE LOVE CHEEEEEESE), my sister in banyak deh pokoknya. She is actually the most KPopers among the four of us, tapi Tara sama Della jadi ketularan gitu dan aku tetep aja begini-begini, janji doang mau mulai nonton drama korea tapi......gimana dong:") She is currently on Social and Development division on PUMA ACC. She is my partner kalo masalah sibuk-sibuk rapat and nearly on her event or PUMA's event, she is going to be busier than me-_- Yang suka nemenin di dorm kalo yang lain pada balik. Paling jarang balik juga soalnya sibuk siyyyy. She is the most sensitive one. Gampang banget tersentuh dan nangis (efek suka nonton K-Drama ya mer? :p), she also the most rational one. The brake of our wallet since she is the most ngirit and disiplin if it comes to masalah duit. Ohya, Meryka juga yang paling rajin diantara kita berempat, pokoknya bisa dibilang yang paling lurus deh HAHAHA kalian sesat deh Tar, Del :" anywaaaaaay I love you Princess Bapaooo :*

waktu di Gokkana Ciwalk

waktu di KFC Lipcik

"eh fotoin dong" CUANET SIY MERR:""

2. Tara Lorenzia Halim
Was the sangarest among us. Keras kek anak Tambun (LOL no offense). Satu SMA sama Meryka and that's why they're roomies. Born on February 21st, 1995. My sister in Tuesday, my sister in makan *especially gorengan, "San temenin ngabuburit beli es sama gorengan di PLN yuk"*, my sister in cowo ganteng *yap, kalo Tara udah bilang ganteng aku pasti percaya, we have pretty much the same sense of cowo ganteng*, my sister in makan pedes juga tapi ga begitu since she got her usus buntu surgery twice, sister in apalagi sih Tarr? pokoknya we're pretty much the same lah. Batunya sama, bedanya dia lebih tega dan ga baperan :' She is a good match-maker tho :p selalu berusaha nyomblangin aku sama siapapun pokoknya asal aku ga galau dan bisa bahagia :') makasi ya Tar, aku akan berusaha bahagia EAAAA wakakakak. Paling setia kalo diajakin main :) dulu sih tempat nanya jurusan kendaraan umum but sorry not to sorry sekarang aku lebih jago Tar :)) A fighter, been through a lot in her life and that's pretty much makes her who she is now. Whatever your decision Tar, just remember if it makes you happy and comfortable, just do it. You know the one who loves you will never judge you and that what's matter. Remember that I love you as well :*

di KFC Lipcik

di Gokanna Ciwalk

General Lecture by US Ambasador at Ballroom but let us take selfie ya Sir

di depan Alfamart gatau dah abis ngapain iseng aja gitu selfian pulang ngampoes

3. De'lanona Pakpahan
Was (and still) the classiest amonng us. Yayayaya queenB. She is my roommate. Not only we share the same room, we also share the same passion (we are that Y-Jacket loss, keep that in mind gurl). She is my sister in.......too much too mention! We are stubborn, we came from a family which culture still tied us strong, we share the same hobby-watching movie, Shopping (remember when we went to PIM sampe tutup mall?), Hollywood artist (tapi doi lebih pro, aku paling tau nama di filmnya doang, bukan nama aslinya:')), ngepoin orang which came to quota internet yang cepet abis:'. Sama-sama susah moveon dari cinta SMP (ya denied it Del, ga ngaruh sama w). Lepas aja kita di coffee shop and we can be just fine after hours. Hopeless romantic (kebanyakan nonton film+baca novel=not a good result). Bedanya, aku gercep kalo liat cowo ganteng tapi Della lemot banget-_- terus ujung2nya ngeclaimed that he is hers!!! My partner in travelling (biarpun +65 nya batal, pokoknya +1 atau +44 before we got married harus jadi!)
So, here I would like to say sorry too. I know I've done things that I'm not proud to. I broke my promise that I only moved if I got accepted in that Y-campus. Thank you for understanding that it will always be my-our dream. You know how much that mean to me; because you feel it too. I'm sorry that I have to leave you after all, even I am not going to that campus now. I've burried my dream, Del. I know you have a long time before I was, even sometimes in our late night session, we still do "what ifs" scenarios, we still moaning why those anak hacep that got the chance to study there, we still feeling cheated by destiny. I will not find a bestfriend who share the same pain as we feel. I guess it makes us bestfriend on the first place, huh?

I am moved because I know that this will make my parents happy. You must be understand since we value our parent's pride the most. I am sorry that I am not saying goodbye properly-I haven't got the chance tho, and I dont even want to because this is not goodbye. This is a see-you-later.
I am sorry that I lied to you. I have no guts to said that I am planning to move. I have no passion in there, and it getting harder even after the break-up happen. You are the witness to my heartbreaking period; you see how I cried myself at night, how I messed my life after that, how I wake up and played Holy-Grail on repeat like 1000 times in a day. You are the one that I asked to warn me when I start to fall in love with him, you did but I didn't listen. Guess we are really the type of person who love with no brain and think without feeling huh?
I am sorry that I might done something that hurt your feeling, I got involved in squeze you out, but I found out that is the way to make us a little bit furthen so it won't be any painfull to left such a good friend like you, and it worked on too well :')
Just so you know, you are still The Blair to my Serena, The Spencer to my Aria. I still percieve you as my bestfriend-no, my other soul :p I can't help myself but to chat you everytime I got new gossip or new hitz event or sale event :)) bad habbit won't go fast enough eh?
You are still my sister, what is you is me, and remember to say this to our future boyf: "take me for who I am or watch me as I go". I Lurrrrf you to the moon cafe, take selfies and never come back!

selfie kita terlalu banyak. I have trouble to pick 30 of it

di Gokanna Ciwalk

di KFC Lipcik

semoga resolusi di feature di hitspresun*iv bisa tercapai ya teh :)

this quote happen to reflect us so much, "Girls should be strong together; Strong like steel, merry like the tinkling of chimes, dancing in the wind" and indeed, we're stronger and merrier together :))

SOOOOOO there are my lovely girl that keep me strong during the first year of my rantauan life. They listen to my stories, they share theirs with me. We're such a gank back then :))

"....finding the person who will still be standing there wiping the tears away, holding you in their arms after a fight. The one who never leave...."

And if the four of us+the other 2 member, it will be :

ACCOUNTING SCHOOL VICTIMS

 yap, met Angelin Febriana and Claudia Tessa Wijaya. Jadi geng ini terbentuk di semester 3 dikarenakan kita ber5 minus Tara ada di kelas yang sama. So, we share the same passion (re:struggle) with accounting subjects dan para dosennya yang *isi sendiri*

Sebenernya ada sih selfie bareng Angel sama Tessa but that still on my phone and now I am not bringing my cable-data so, here are the selfies of 6 of us using Tara's new tongsis at Tara's room at our 3rd semester-final-week.

4. Angelin Febriana
A truly Kpopers. My sister in february, my sister in supporting interfaith-relationship, my sister in Y-Jacket. I've been on the same class with Angel since my first semester. Teh geulis yang rajin baca renungan tiap pagi. PM Cool*catso Xmas celebration, along with Della as Supervisor (NGIMPI WOY! Co*ol dulu yang rajin :pp) tapi sebenernya anaknya pemudi Gereja banget kalo di Bogor :)) Janji ngajak makan martabak air mancur (plis jangan harkosin aku kaya dia dulu ngel), partner majoring in SOPU semester 3 kemarin. Jangan lupain aku ya ngel pokoknya see you on EY lagi ngaudit SM Entertainment ya! I know you will be a good auditor kok. I adore your spirit to keep fighting even when no one agree with you, keep the faith!! I love you Ngel :**

5. Claudia Tessa Wijaya
Emaknya kita semua. Suka banget masak sampe jadi pejuang FR (semangat Ecaaa!). My sister in selasa, my sister in makanan pedes. Sama sama keras dan nyolot tapi kalo ketawa............. (please jangan featuring-in aku, Tessa, sama Tara di satu tempat). Sebenernya paling belakang kenal sama aku tapi langusng klop aja gitu Adek sama Abang HAHAHAHA. The one who taught me to go to Karawaci sendirian when I have no idea about that place before:") Abangg Eca jangan galak-galak ya, tetap semangat jadi pejuang FR biarpun punya PIC yang kabur-kaburan *ups* Me love you Abang Ecaaaa:*

"Pacaran tuh sama anak Accounting. Sama angka yang bikin pusing aja sabar, apalagi ama elu"

 

 

0

I've been waiting so long to ketchup-no, I mean catch up!

I am sitting at the corner of a small cafe at town
After fulfilling my promise to my sister and bringing her for dinner
Now she is busy with her opera cake which I buy to shut her up so I can type a little bit of my thougths right now

So, where should we start huh?

......

College life? pretty much fucked up on this 3rd semester
My GPA is falling apart and I am really thankfull that there's no C in my transcript
But it didn't even reach 3.5 for God's sake!
well, nevermind since I skipped class for 2 weeks.
Yeah, about that one.....
I was trying to enter another college
The one that I've been dreaming of since junior high, but being abandoned for the you-know-what univesity
I am pretty much move on from that one, though.
Regrets always comes after, and I really hate myself for wasting this one year.
I wish I could go back in time, I would study seriously for last year's test.
but what happend, happens.
I was taking this years chance and Astungkara I passed the first step.
I've been through the second and third step which is interview and health test, and thank God I'm not messed u on those two.
Now I'm just hoping that I don't blow this chance.
I took my life in PU for granted; my GPA, all of my organization task (I still am a PR, PIC of FnB, PIC of Treasurer and hai, the PM of presidential election; and I'm not proud of what I've been done lately) also I can't stand the idea about living and seeing every memory of me and him, knowing that it only life on the past.

i am pretty much fucked up.
not to mention about the awkward situation between my dorm-mates.
I really don't like to take sides, seriously! I'm that kind of person who avoid conflict and rather left it  behind (which caught me into trouble for couples of time)
but I was beat up that day, I was get into the "please" word and it might ruined the relationship between me and "my half soul"-according what she called me
It might be a history now and I will explain about that later on.

what else, hmm...
have I told you that I was being set up with my mom?
I am really hate the idea that I can't find a man by my own
but I am tired for searching and not finding the man that adore me the way I want him to, maybe this sound cliche but I want him to accept my flaw and love me more than I love myself; who won't give up on me eventhough I can be really irritating sometimes.
So, I am thinking that maybe if I go along with my mom, at least I will make her calm down.
She knows I'm on the right family, I really know that she just don't want me to go through what she has been through.
And also I think that sometimes even if some couple married based on loved, they will got divorced too.
then look at those old people; they were set up yet they lived happily ever after! aww

you might be wondering; who is this guy?
well, he is some kind of my relative-pretty close, actually.
his father is somekind of my father's cousin, his father lived and raised by my grandparents.
he was grown, educated, and funded by them.
he was falling for my aunty, once.
and he now want to set me and his son so he can make our connection become more tighten.

at first, I totally disaggree-I heard about this idea since a long time ago and I dont care at all, but lately it becomes more intense.
And then I knew that he has a girlfriend (which after I investigate, it probably has been 2 years by now) when I heard about that, I was having a boyfriend too, then my mom said "so what? sakdek juga lagi punya pacar kan sekarang)
I thought this going to be short but dammit, I've met him twice now.
so, I think this might be serious and it really bother me that he has already have a girlfriend!
I don't know where is this going but God I am really tired of searching and compromising and being hurt.

You might said that I am not afraid to fall; I am afraid to fall and found out that no one there to catch me.

I think I moved on from you-know-who.
but couple times ago, I started to think about him and wonder why it never worked out with him.
is it him or is it me? what's wrong with me? I think I need to find that answer but he was too kind.... he never want to answer that because he knows it has to be so goddamned painfull and he doesn't want to hurt me.
lol-that's a very thoughtfull of me. truth is, san-he never want to be a bad guy. not to anyone. not even to the girl who always love and adore him.

everytime I watched How I Met Your Mother-especially the old season-when I see Ted loves Robin unconditionally, I always think that, "Man, Mosby. I totally can relate that!" and then I think, "If Ted needs 8 years to get over Robin so I have probably 2 years left to suffer lol or maybe I need to see him marrying my bestie and I will met my love of my life at their wedding, become their wedding band" Lol i know i am way to pathetic about this move on thingy :")

btw, it is September now biaaatch!
The second favourite month of the year (which consist of my failed anniversary with you-know-who, my mom bday and, ehem, that D-boy bday)
I was constantly changing my mind between giving him and not to giving him present.
than I came up with this decision: If I got accepted on that college, I will give him present-consider it as a goodbye present too.
Also this conversation with Shanty enlighting me:

Sa: *moaning about to give or not to give* then Shan, what should I do?// Sh: just give it then, what's the big deal?// Sa: I am affraid I will regret it, I'd rather buy myself new dress or something// Sh: then don't give him// Sa: but I feel awfull and I owe him after his present to him// Sh: just give him San or you might be haunted about this all year.// Sa: but what if he is overconfident and think that I still have feeling for him? which I actually am but he doesn't have to know!// Sh: don't you give him present so you don't have any obligation and you both got tied? he gave you and you gave him. consider it as a gift from a friend; just like you gave another person a gift

and then it hit me. I don't care with what he thought of me. I don't give a damn since I will start a brand new life soon (HOPEFULLY)

I'm dying to wait until 5th of september GOSH i wish it come sooner:(
Wish me luck on everything; especially on this test.
I put all of me on here and this could mean so much to everyone-to me and especially my parents!

I definetly will catch up soon!



kiss kiss-
Sandya

0

Time to change-start from yourself!

Happy Election Day, everyone!

Maybe it's kinda late to said so but the euphoria still around somehow.
I couldn't make the post on the D-Day because I am too tired.
Tired after stay at the TPS? Uh-uh wrong.
Tired after watching Captain America : The Winter Soilder with my friend.
Am I such a bad citizen? You name it.

But wait, let hear my explanation before you judge me.
First, the administrative thingy. I am not registered in my dormitory area yet. Actually it's not a reason at all since the student housing office willingly serve anyone who want to vote but didn't registered or didn't bring the A5 form as it's required.
So, move to the second and main reason I didn't use my right to vote.
I didn't know who to choose.
Yea if I am in my hometown, I also didn't know who to choose at first since I percieve that everyone who run for legislative are all the same.
But I might see from the web that some students made about the review and background from several candidate.
Or maybe I help a friend of my father or my mother.

The point is, that is MY hometown that I vote for. And in my perspective, different place should be represent by different type of people.
Am I right?
And living in a new place, I don't know yet what kind of people do they need, what kind of people who run for the election, and else.
Besides, even if I am legally have the right to vote, do I eligible to decide my nation future based on my limited knowledge?
I don't want to risk a city's future based on my vote.
Some might said that one vote means nothing, but what if all of us think that way and accidentaly we choose the wrong person?

I might seems that I am aphatetic but really, I am not.
I always encourage my mother to use her vote since she always deny to use hers.
I always said that out there somewhere women are forbid to speak up their mind and they are dying to have the right that my mom has been wasted-for instance: her daugther.
But it was before I have my right to vote.

This is not my first time to elect, though.
I have used mine on the Governor election last year (if I'm not mistaken)
I was thrilled to have the chance to vote, back then.
People might said that is right, but to me it is more to responsible.
We have to be responsible for our decision.
I am excited to vote and have the feeling that I have the authority to decide something. Hehehe
And I don't want to be that kind of people who "golput" but guff the loudest when the elected legislative/president/else can't run the government based on their urge.

There's an advertisment that tell us the budget for this election is 170 triliun rupiah.
Quite an amount, huh?
Also there's suddenly promotion everywhere. From discount untill free merchandise for people who shows that they have already use their right to vote.
I am wondering.... is that the price for your vote?
Somepeople might just choose random person just to get that promo.
Well, I feel pity for my beloved nation whose citizen are easily being bought.

Talking about how I want to change my nation might take a while.
I almost, wait, not almost sih-_-
I once loose my sight for what I want to be because of my failure to enter the "University of this nation Ministry"
I once said to myself that I don't want to contribute anything and be a good, normal citizen.
So, I enter my current university with a changing vision every second.
One minute I want to be a banker, the next minute I decided to be an auditor but then I saw how fun it is to work in a multinational company then I want to be the accountant for a multinational company.

But last holiday I met Kak Bika and suddenly I remember the reason why I want to change this country.
I might hate it sometimes but once again, this is where I spend the last 18 years and it provides me eeeeverything that I need ever since.
Besides, before holiday I intended to talk to my parents about my following concentration choice.
When I talked, suddenly my dad asked my whether I really gave up on *beep*
I was speechless. My father knew that I am confused than he explained what it's take and what am I going to lose.
I know that all my parents want is just a financial security for me.
But living this past 8 months in a private collage courage me to work in a private sector also.
And somehow, I really want to work in the "evil round" aka S C B D. Huehuehue

Actually, I think that no matter which way we use, we can finally reach that destination if only we have the clear vision and never let anything to change it-which quite difficult thing to do for me.
But today I decide to follow my parents wish.
I will try as hard as I can and I believe whatever the result will be, it's the right choice that God give me and that is the way that God shows me. Amin

Wish me luck!-
Sandya

Ps: no more lolita on my footmark yaa since I don't want to be with Dharma anymore. Huehuehue

0

new year, new blog (?)

Actually, it is not my intention to begin my year (well, not literally begin-since it's already 14/365) by making a new blog.

Appereantly, my old and beloved blog was "ngambek" to me because it has already abandoned for almost a year :( huhu *pukpuk dya's diary*

I didn't meant to do so. Yeah, I know that I'm not that busy, but as a college student-OMG-I'd rather spend my spare time to sleep! haha. But, I want to change it starting from now, this year, 2014, which a lot of people said that this year is politic's year(which I don't give a fucking damn)

Yap, we will talk about 2014 laterrrrr \=D/

Let's reviewed what has happend last year :)

As what I have already written on my twitter account to welcome this year;

"2013 had knocked me down and risen me up. The bottom line is, it taught me how to life and it grew me up somehow"

I felt like 2013 is the longest year I've ever experienced because it  consist a lot of changing-life event, yet if I look back, I just feel like it was yesterday I spent 2013's NYE with my family.

I spend 2013 with my senior-year, I was facing a farewell, which I hate the most.

I've taken the biggest risk which I know the possibility to reach it was almost 0%, in my favourite month of the year-February.

I've faced my biggest fear of dissapoinment, to find out a truth that I already know but I will never ever be ready to hear it, nearly to my National Examination month -which truth made me barely enter anything to my mouth but water for almost 3 days- and somehow ruin my concentration. Yeah, I am the best person to decide whether to talk for an important thing without making it become a distraction *applause*

I've experienced a deep-down moment, my biggest failure, losing hope, in the middle of the year.

I've got an appreciation for having the balanced social-academic life during my high school. How can a girl who like to spend her time in outdoor have a good(I said good loh ya) ability in dance, having an organizational life, have the highest score for the entire city? (PLEASE don't judge me and tell me that I showed off. please this is my only consolation:""" PLEASE)

I've learned to be suitable with my codrate, somehow it was shaped by my society. But I'm not that kind of girl who will change me just because the society. I remember that I'm a girl, I eventually will have to learn how to wear skirt, how to put some makeup upon my face, how to ACTually behave like a girl.

I've burried my dream, and try to figure out what I want to do in live, soon. But one best friend of mine said that "Maybe there you will become more than something you have dreaming of" Yeah bro, I will!!

Once again, I have faced with choices which I could never know what's suits me best, and made me wondering over and over again "Is this the best choices that I've taken?", up until now.

The reason I take my decision, is almost all because of you. You said to me that you will always be proud of me whenever I take my study, whatever I will be. You will always support my back

and now I wonder, still you proud of me now? or even, have you ever really proud of me?

Otherwise, if being in the different school in the same city still not enough for me to let go of you.

Will I be, if I already in the different city with you?

I found out the answer, NO. It takes more than a city to ease my feeling for you. I ever thought, maybe it takes different world for me to forget all the feeling that I've felt for you. hiks sedih amat hidup gue yak:")

I've learned to go out of my comfort zone, and life all the simplicity behind, on the month that my country got its freedom-August. Because wise man's said "Life begins in the end of comfort zones"

In the month that I will always waiting for-September-, I started to accept the reality, that now I'm a college student. There's a reason why in Indonesia, a student is not called "siswa" anymore. but it's "MAHAsiswa". I have to change my behavior, I have to grow up, I have to let go what's unnecesary and keep what best for me.

I've decided to explore more about me, to train myself to become a good leader. To serve more, to listen more. I've gambling myself to take this long-term duty, starting from October.

I've ended what I started almost 3 years ago. I've found someone that fullfil my days with laughter or atleast a smile. I've found a boy whose presence I've always missed. A boy who never doubt to mock me because he knows that it will not hurt my feeling. By his own way, he started to make me fall in love. Eventhough a lot of differences (our school, society, the way we talk, the way we joke, the road that we used to pass, what we BELIEVE), I decided to try with him,-although I know there's no way we could be together-in November. Someone ever said that there's no relationship ever wasted. If it's not giving you the right man, you will found out learning more how to find one.

I've decided to learn how to forgive you, as what I read in a novel: The first step to move on is to forgive. 

I have to forgive, not only you, but also myself for letting my own feeling floating for more than 5 years. 

I have to accept what I already know but I can't ever believe and accept for all this time-that you once love me, it just not last long as what I expected. Not as long as I love you.

I have to start realize that I lived in reality, in the present time, so I have to go out of my memories and start to live today without trapped in yesterday.

I have to learn to love what I have, because we can't have what we loved all the time, right? some people I already lied on and wasted because of you. because I found out that they can't be you.

what I never thought of is, what if they can't be you because they're better than you?

I realized that I have to really move on, somehow. And it happend in your month of birth, December.

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I barely ever made any resolution since I know that there's a small possibility for me to full-fill it. ha ha

but starting this year, I probably want to make some, since I found out that I have no direction and purpose for living this year. another sad moment for me :""

I will post my resolution, as soon as possible!!!

ps: if I survive my PoA quiz tomorrow

still the old me-

Lolita

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