I've been waiting so long to ketchup-no, I mean catch up!

I am sitting at the corner of a small cafe at town
After fulfilling my promise to my sister and bringing her for dinner
Now she is busy with her opera cake which I buy to shut her up so I can type a little bit of my thougths right now

So, where should we start huh?

......

College life? pretty much fucked up on this 3rd semester
My GPA is falling apart and I am really thankfull that there's no C in my transcript
But it didn't even reach 3.5 for God's sake!
well, nevermind since I skipped class for 2 weeks.
Yeah, about that one.....
I was trying to enter another college
The one that I've been dreaming of since junior high, but being abandoned for the you-know-what univesity
I am pretty much move on from that one, though.
Regrets always comes after, and I really hate myself for wasting this one year.
I wish I could go back in time, I would study seriously for last year's test.
but what happend, happens.
I was taking this years chance and Astungkara I passed the first step.
I've been through the second and third step which is interview and health test, and thank God I'm not messed u on those two.
Now I'm just hoping that I don't blow this chance.
I took my life in PU for granted; my GPA, all of my organization task (I still am a PR, PIC of FnB, PIC of Treasurer and hai, the PM of presidential election; and I'm not proud of what I've been done lately) also I can't stand the idea about living and seeing every memory of me and him, knowing that it only life on the past.

i am pretty much fucked up.
not to mention about the awkward situation between my dorm-mates.
I really don't like to take sides, seriously! I'm that kind of person who avoid conflict and rather left it  behind (which caught me into trouble for couples of time)
but I was beat up that day, I was get into the "please" word and it might ruined the relationship between me and "my half soul"-according what she called me
It might be a history now and I will explain about that later on.

what else, hmm...
have I told you that I was being set up with my mom?
I am really hate the idea that I can't find a man by my own
but I am tired for searching and not finding the man that adore me the way I want him to, maybe this sound cliche but I want him to accept my flaw and love me more than I love myself; who won't give up on me eventhough I can be really irritating sometimes.
So, I am thinking that maybe if I go along with my mom, at least I will make her calm down.
She knows I'm on the right family, I really know that she just don't want me to go through what she has been through.
And also I think that sometimes even if some couple married based on loved, they will got divorced too.
then look at those old people; they were set up yet they lived happily ever after! aww

you might be wondering; who is this guy?
well, he is some kind of my relative-pretty close, actually.
his father is somekind of my father's cousin, his father lived and raised by my grandparents.
he was grown, educated, and funded by them.
he was falling for my aunty, once.
and he now want to set me and his son so he can make our connection become more tighten.

at first, I totally disaggree-I heard about this idea since a long time ago and I dont care at all, but lately it becomes more intense.
And then I knew that he has a girlfriend (which after I investigate, it probably has been 2 years by now) when I heard about that, I was having a boyfriend too, then my mom said "so what? sakdek juga lagi punya pacar kan sekarang)
I thought this going to be short but dammit, I've met him twice now.
so, I think this might be serious and it really bother me that he has already have a girlfriend!
I don't know where is this going but God I am really tired of searching and compromising and being hurt.

You might said that I am not afraid to fall; I am afraid to fall and found out that no one there to catch me.

I think I moved on from you-know-who.
but couple times ago, I started to think about him and wonder why it never worked out with him.
is it him or is it me? what's wrong with me? I think I need to find that answer but he was too kind.... he never want to answer that because he knows it has to be so goddamned painfull and he doesn't want to hurt me.
lol-that's a very thoughtfull of me. truth is, san-he never want to be a bad guy. not to anyone. not even to the girl who always love and adore him.

everytime I watched How I Met Your Mother-especially the old season-when I see Ted loves Robin unconditionally, I always think that, "Man, Mosby. I totally can relate that!" and then I think, "If Ted needs 8 years to get over Robin so I have probably 2 years left to suffer lol or maybe I need to see him marrying my bestie and I will met my love of my life at their wedding, become their wedding band" Lol i know i am way to pathetic about this move on thingy :")

btw, it is September now biaaatch!
The second favourite month of the year (which consist of my failed anniversary with you-know-who, my mom bday and, ehem, that D-boy bday)
I was constantly changing my mind between giving him and not to giving him present.
than I came up with this decision: If I got accepted on that college, I will give him present-consider it as a goodbye present too.
Also this conversation with Shanty enlighting me:

Sa: *moaning about to give or not to give* then Shan, what should I do?// Sh: just give it then, what's the big deal?// Sa: I am affraid I will regret it, I'd rather buy myself new dress or something// Sh: then don't give him// Sa: but I feel awfull and I owe him after his present to him// Sh: just give him San or you might be haunted about this all year.// Sa: but what if he is overconfident and think that I still have feeling for him? which I actually am but he doesn't have to know!// Sh: don't you give him present so you don't have any obligation and you both got tied? he gave you and you gave him. consider it as a gift from a friend; just like you gave another person a gift

and then it hit me. I don't care with what he thought of me. I don't give a damn since I will start a brand new life soon (HOPEFULLY)

I'm dying to wait until 5th of september GOSH i wish it come sooner:(
Wish me luck on everything; especially on this test.
I put all of me on here and this could mean so much to everyone-to me and especially my parents!

I definetly will catch up soon!



kiss kiss-
Sandya