Fighting

February 25th, 2017
12.12 am

Three years ago we broke up.

It was a casual tuesday afternoon, I was on my critical logic class-if I'm not mistaken, but I remember precisely it was on the 1st floor of B building. We were fighting the previous night, I don't really remember what exactly makes me mad at you. We haven't seen each other for a while even though we lived less than 500m away. The tight schedule of a short semester; me with my council work, you with your final project. We barely meet and that drives us crazy. We didn't communicate well, and boy did I take you for granted...

The previous night I stormed out from our chat and you just said, "Oke". I should've known better that you eventually can't stand my emotional ups and downs. You knew I was storming out because that's what I did whenever I feel like we're starting to have an argument. But I didn't usually get a one-word reply; you knew what I was doing and you gave me comforting words.

We were so good at fighting,

but when the time came,

the one thing we didn't fight for

was us

 February 25th, 2014

It was tuesday afternoon when I was in my classroom. I heard one of my classmate said that you were going out and skipping class. I haven't called or text you since the night before and the first thing I did was confronting you.You feel offended and all the ticking-time-bomb we were planting burst-out when you said, "you should find someone better than me"

Being egoistic as I've always been, I didn't said a thing. I didn't fight, I didn't wanna hold into someone who wanted to let me go, I think I knew what I was doing, when in fact, I just being selfish. I don't want to be the one who apologize, so I'd better live in sorrow than begging you not to leave.

there's only so many streets, so many lights

I swear it's like I can't even leave my house

should've known all along you gotta move or move on

when you break up in a small town

So I left. I left because I can't bear the feeling of seeing you without having the ability to be close to you. That's just too much pain for me.

It still haunts me on a night like this. The night where I realized how you actually loved me when I didn't have the ability to love myself. The night where I wonder if I can make up all the mistakes I've done to you. The night where I miss you so much, it hurts... I never have the guts to tell you what I really feel. But if I have given the chance to talk to you once more, I will decided to-for the first time,

Fight for "us".