Is my Dad a psychic?

I want to "sounds" smart for once..

No, I want the whole world know that my Dad is smart.

Long time before this K*P*K thingy arise in the future, my dad has already said that he didn't agree with the establishment of that body.

I wasn't really care, though. Because like most off teenager in this nation, we tend to swallow what the media said and what they want us to believe.

Besides, that body looks like a good body. Its purposes' is good and I agree with its vision to eradicate corruption.

I tried to argue my dad with my limited knowledge.

Then he said to me, that body is contrast with some constitution that said "only Police Department have the authority to arrest people" or some stuff that sound like that. I don't really pay much attention since I don't understand and I don't really know much about that problem nor I wanted to know.

But now, the problem with this body arise.

Much or less I start to understand what my father have told me years ago (about 2 years ago if I'm not mistaken)

And I am amazed.

I am proud that I have a father whose knowledge pass over someone that might have a degree on law or anyone else that might enter that field for their daily job.

I am also thankful that I have such dad who teaches me to keep believing onto something eventough there is no one else does. Who teaches me to know the whole part of the story before I decided to take which part.

I miss him:(

Sandya-

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Excuse me, my inner-introvert sides want to clarify some things.

Earlier today, one friend of mine suddenly ask me this question.

"since when did you become so antisocial?"

It didn't offense me. At all. Because I know it was true. I know that he just concerned about me and he didn't want to see me rolling alone in my bed with no social life outside.

No, I'm not losing my sociality skill. (or am I?) I just learned that it's not that easy finding a friend who will listen to all of your whole story without judging you in the middle of your story. I don't even like the idea hearing them judging someone else. I just don't. You can't tell whether they're doing it right or wrong without knowing the reason behind it.

Also I'm tired faking up myself. Did you know that faking around to be someone you're not is such a tiring activities? It drained my energy, every-single-day.

I am not myself when I'm around these people. I have to behave to fulfill their expectation. I have to watch my words because they're so friggin baper for God's sake!!!! I just don't want to hurt them with my bitter sarcasm comment even though I'm dying to throw one each day they're complaining about something that they shouldn't be complained about.

I can't talk about things that I am interested about (because mostly they just interested in their grades) or what I am passionate about (because they're passionate to have the highest GPA of all).

Are they explained all your curiosity? Yes, I might be transforming into an antisocial bitch right now,simply because I am doing that for my best, for protecting myself to the possibilities that may come if I'm not holding up myself(Ya ya ya I know I must've loosen up sometimes, but you don't live in a world where having fun and be feee and loosing up yourself are considered as a crime)

Do you know that most Aquarians are fragile people? Now you know.

I might said that I protected their feelings from my harsh words (which I am reaaaaal good at) but truthfully, I am just as selfish as I can.

I protected no one but myself; I don't want to be hurt for one's judgemental story. No matter how frequent I said that I don't give a damn about their oppinion, but don't ever believe in myself. I am THAT care about what other's think about me.

And oh, do you also know that Aquarian's mind is like a high powered computer with a large, fast hard drive, especially at night? That will be the perfect time for me to think about manythings including what people may thought about me, what they expected from me, will I disappoint them, and so on and so forth.

I am not changing. At least I hope I am not.

I am just adapting myself to be someone I am not here. Hopefully I didn't lose myself in the middle of it.

And just now, he sent me a picture of him with my Birthday Girl (HapBirth dear Shanty-I know you'll read this!❤️), and two of my BhuaYa bros.

I feel like about to rush going home and left everything behind... Lately I thought a lot about giving up when I know that I've bet a lot for enrolling into this Campus.

I am giving up my dream to make my parent proud because I know they only can count on me. I am their eldest childern and I have to be a role model to my siblings even they never see the good in me:"> I know right:">

Talking about friends.. I think that the problem that I recently want to go home until I cried my self soooo bad(I've never cried that hard since..........the "D" thing?) is because I don't have anyone to rely on here.

Not when all of my friend has already have their own businesses.

Not when I have learned (the hard way) that once you've grown up you will find that sometimes you might lose somefriends. 

Some might stays for a while, some might still hear your story for once in a while, some will still sees after you when you're going home, some might can't spare their time because they're busy keeping up with their present life, but a few that will be there at 3 am talking about random things gossiping about artis endorse on instagram.

Changes is the only thing that certain in this world, besides uncertainty.

So, yes, I was changed. For better or worse? Let's see.

Xoxo-

Sandya

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RESOLUTION(s)

HAPPY NEW YEAR FELLAS!!
I am supposed to attend somekind of meeting with my fellow Treasurer to prepare the monthly report which will be presented this Friday but I think that today I should be studying, so I make it tomorrow.
Then after an hour of nothing, I think that I should probably written down my new-year resolutions since it's been the 7th page of 365.
So, this is the first time for me to make a new year resolution, and even though it's kinda late.
well, it's better late than never right?

#1. the ultimate resolution. somekind of repetation but since this time I've made this into a resolution (which bring this into a high new level), so here we are: LOOSE WEIGHT! yea, I am THAT serious. I want to experience the feeling of having a gap on my thigh, please?

#2. to support resolution #1, I decided to do more exercise. I'm done doing unhealty diet which consist of torturing myself by not eating any heavy-meal all day. and usually that only survived for couple days (that made my diet only stays on the "plan" stage).

 #3. which leads to resolution #3: have a healthier live, including having a healthy meal, do more exercise, have enough sleep (not over). I know that health cost more then wealth and I don't want to risk my health over something (ex: lebih milih makan mie biar hemat-which actually I never did since my mom forbid me to eat instant noodle)because I want to live longer-if God give me chance to-so I could be there for my child:') and also give more influence to people.

#4. talking about giving influence, lately I've been thinking so much about, "what have I done for society", "have I been a good person to my circumtances", "what value I've been giving to others", or even "does anyone out there think that I am just an insulting bitch"...... my bitching year has done:') now I am transforming into an angel hohoho like it's even possible..... the point is, I am trying to be a better person(that sound really cliche btw). Maybe not the kind of person who do charity all the time (because-no offense-sometimes I think there are people who do charity just to seek attention.....well, despite of their actual goal, at least they've done something so I'm done judging) but more likely to give more value and happiness to others. and one of my lecturer ever said that if we can't make someone happy, at least don't give more burden and sadness to their live. Couldn't agree more!

#5. spend less money on hunting desserts and dresses:") and invest more on books. One ever said, "Cara terbaik untuk menghabiskan uangmu adalah dengan cara menyimpannya di dalam otakmu"

#6. travel more! my target is to hike 2 more mountains and visit a well-known island (Pulau Seribu, Nusa Lembongan, or Gili Trawangan-depend). I am sooooo done seeing the boring interior of mall or cafe. I think that age also has passed? I am no longer in a mood to hunt a new cafe at town or taste a new bakery on the city. Besides it's not supporting resolution #1 LOL =))

#7. I think I should put this earlier but I guess 7 is a lucky charm? I need to have a better grade. I've been wasting a year and I can do so much in a year. No, people could do so much while I just wasting it. But I have no regret. I believe everything happen for a reason. I just need to figure out what is the reason of watching my fellow friend chasing 5 semesters to their Bachelor degree, while I also have 5 semesters remaining to a Diploma degree. Life is all about choices. And I choose my parent's happiness and pride over mine :)

#8. Talking about education, I also want to take a Tax Brevet Certification on my second semester, around March or April. So, by the end of this year I have something more to put on my CV :") and one step ahead from my classmates on Tax material *psytrap detected*

#9. I want to do intern. Anywhere, it doesn't really matter. I just want to experience the feeling of having my own money. No, my pocket money is also my own money -_- I mean, working hard to generate my own penny will be amazing and surely will make me appreciate more every Rupiah that my parents gave me.

#10. I plan to reduce my frequency of going home. You know that the ticket to Bali is so Goddamn expensive and it's applied all year? Sakit keneh Iluh PP kemarin cost more than 3 friggin million rupiah and I feel awful to my parents. Also the energy that I've wasted on every packing routine-both physically and mentally. Tbh, living away for more than a year didn't make going back to Jakarta became easier. The more time I spent with my family, the harder I dragged myself back to the airport.

I can't think anymore resolution to add and 10 is more than enough to make the last year of me being teenager became a good starting point-if all of them were accomplished. Can't believe that I'm turning 19 next month! #kode #kodekeras #butIdon'treallyexpectmuchtho #tapiboong



have a lot to do!-


Sandya xx

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