I was stuck trying to complete my FSA task to analyze a bank's cash flow when I decided to open my Facebook page.
Nothing seems interesting before I saw a baby picture with a friend of mine tagged on it...
She was a close friend of mine, she was indeed beautiful. I remember she was the first one who got period on our class (so?). She was ambitious-yes, she WAS. She was on our top 10 or probably even top 5 on my class. Who knows that she will be giving birth on such a young age?
Then again, 21 is not really considered young. It's not teen pregnancy or something, a lot of people gave birth their first born on early twenties. But still! I am shocked by the fact that it just feel like yesterday when we both playing on the schoolyard, waiting our dads to pick us up.
I remember she was good at dancing. I always wanted to be on her team whenever dance lesson begins. She seems like having it all; good at academics, knows how to dance, beautiful. Who knows that the one I knew so close decided to settling down in such a young age? I remember I once envy her for being so close with the teacher-another ability I will never have. She was so ambitious and driven. What makes her settling down?
Then again I remember, we might not have the same pace anymore. When I am here stuck with all my assignments, she probably also staying up all night; changing her daughter's diaper or waking up feeding her. Same difference, huh?
It makes me wonder, not just an hour ago, I am having a phone conversation with some guy which I know I have no future with. Then I am flirting with one of my so-called-victim, when on the other chat room, I was having a good conversation with another boy. In fact, I am happy that I still have a lot of option to observe, but the question is: until when?
I used to want to settle on a young age-I still do by the way. But seeing that it's so close, with a lot of my friend married or even having children makes me wonder, do I really want to tie a knot now? I want to be selfish. I want to explore myself and explore the world. I know, exploring the world would be more fun with someone by your side. But do you really want to rush things out? This is the people that you will spent the rest of your life with that I'm talking about.
I guess it just the matter of the people, then. If tomorrow when I wake up, the love of my life asked me if I want to marry him, without blinking an eye, I will absolutely say yes...
Well maybe not.... I mean, he disappear and hurt me for what it feels like forever. But I sure will give him a second chance trying to proof his worth. The point is, I will not waste so much time because I know I will always want him and I always feel like he is the one who could dance with the demon inside of me.
I can't imagine being married right now. No matter how many times I complained, I actually enjoyed being in college, really. I have a lot of time to make mistakes-which is fine. And again, I have a lot of option. I still want to see what the world has to offer...
In less then 3 months I will enter the age where I said I want to be married. Then I have a full year to met the guy I want to be married to-which is nearly impossible. Even so, do I really want to be with someone who I just knew for a short period of time.
And, oh! A couple days ago, I had a dream that I was dijodohin and I am married. So absurd right? But the dream was soooo real... I don't know who he is but in my dream, I feel so comfort and I believe that even though we are dijodohin, I know that he will try his best to make me happy-if that makes any sense!
This whole marriage thing scares me sometimes. I see a lot of people who once vowed to be together and seems so in love decided to give it a call. As a hopeless romantic, I wanna scream, really???
I found this and I think it makes sense
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Nothing seems interesting before I saw a baby picture with a friend of mine tagged on it...
She was a close friend of mine, she was indeed beautiful. I remember she was the first one who got period on our class (so?). She was ambitious-yes, she WAS. She was on our top 10 or probably even top 5 on my class. Who knows that she will be giving birth on such a young age?
Then again, 21 is not really considered young. It's not teen pregnancy or something, a lot of people gave birth their first born on early twenties. But still! I am shocked by the fact that it just feel like yesterday when we both playing on the schoolyard, waiting our dads to pick us up.
I remember she was good at dancing. I always wanted to be on her team whenever dance lesson begins. She seems like having it all; good at academics, knows how to dance, beautiful. Who knows that the one I knew so close decided to settling down in such a young age? I remember I once envy her for being so close with the teacher-another ability I will never have. She was so ambitious and driven. What makes her settling down?
Then again I remember, we might not have the same pace anymore. When I am here stuck with all my assignments, she probably also staying up all night; changing her daughter's diaper or waking up feeding her. Same difference, huh?
It makes me wonder, not just an hour ago, I am having a phone conversation with some guy which I know I have no future with. Then I am flirting with one of my so-called-victim, when on the other chat room, I was having a good conversation with another boy. In fact, I am happy that I still have a lot of option to observe, but the question is: until when?
I used to want to settle on a young age-I still do by the way. But seeing that it's so close, with a lot of my friend married or even having children makes me wonder, do I really want to tie a knot now? I want to be selfish. I want to explore myself and explore the world. I know, exploring the world would be more fun with someone by your side. But do you really want to rush things out? This is the people that you will spent the rest of your life with that I'm talking about.
I guess it just the matter of the people, then. If tomorrow when I wake up, the love of my life asked me if I want to marry him, without blinking an eye, I will absolutely say yes...
Well maybe not.... I mean, he disappear and hurt me for what it feels like forever. But I sure will give him a second chance trying to proof his worth. The point is, I will not waste so much time because I know I will always want him and I always feel like he is the one who could dance with the demon inside of me.
I can't imagine being married right now. No matter how many times I complained, I actually enjoyed being in college, really. I have a lot of time to make mistakes-which is fine. And again, I have a lot of option. I still want to see what the world has to offer...
In less then 3 months I will enter the age where I said I want to be married. Then I have a full year to met the guy I want to be married to-which is nearly impossible. Even so, do I really want to be with someone who I just knew for a short period of time.
And, oh! A couple days ago, I had a dream that I was dijodohin and I am married. So absurd right? But the dream was soooo real... I don't know who he is but in my dream, I feel so comfort and I believe that even though we are dijodohin, I know that he will try his best to make me happy-if that makes any sense!
This whole marriage thing scares me sometimes. I see a lot of people who once vowed to be together and seems so in love decided to give it a call. As a hopeless romantic, I wanna scream, really???
I found this and I think it makes sense
Everybody said it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work everyday with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the "feeling of love" has vanished or faded and they weren't happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.I am not worried anymore. As long as I found someone who wants to keep the commitment, I have no fear. I am tired of chasing love. Being in love is something, but the comfort and the certainty is what I'm looking for right now. If I'm lucky enough to have it all, then I'm a happy girl :))
The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication; chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments.
I've never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I've chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to find something to adore even on the ugliest days. I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they choose to look until they find them again.
