Hello guys! Did you notice the change on my blog's template? Do you like this one better or the previous one? (yeah, like anybody will to sacrifice their time to read my nonsense periodically...)
anyway...
I am currently sitting in Starbucks, studying for final exam.
And I got bored, so I googled my name just because I don't know what to do. Also because I am that narcissistic lol
I actually didn't found anything new. But suddenly I got stopped by this article. (btw they misspelled my name)
I am not bragging it or what. I know a lot of people have achieved waaaay more than I did. But screw you, if this made me feel better than I don't really care about you thinking that I get cocky. Funny thing, I usually got embarrassed when anybody found out that I once achieve the highest score for national exam in the entire province. I feel like people tend to overstated that achievement. It's not that I am that smart or something. It just that I tried more than I usually did and I got tons of luck. Kinda wondering I pretty much wasted all of my luck on there :p I don't like people expect too much from me because I don't know whether I could fulfill their expectation or not. I once read that, "once people see you good, they expect you to be good." That is why I always make a worse impression on other people so that they will not expect me to be good all the time because to me, being good is hard. I can't be good all the time. That is why I stands boldly on the black side. I don't play white, I don't stay in gray, I proudly state that I am black. Weird, huh?
By the way, reading on that article made me reminiscing the good 'ol days. I got reminded how good it feels to achieve something and made your parents and yourselves and pretty much all people around you proud. It feels good knowing that you're not as dumb as you think, that you actually could achieve ANYTHING you want if you're determined enough to willing sacrificing your time and energy to fight for that thing.
This week, almost all of my mid-test result was announced. I am shocked by how awful I've done on my mid test. I was below the class' average. I feel dumb. I feel so stupid. I am constantly questioning my worth. Am I not worth it? Is this the end of my glamorous era? Am I not good enough to compete with my current classmates? Is this where I really belong, on the bottom of the pyramid?
That is why reading on that article boosts my confidence a little bit. I know that I didn't try enough. I know that this is not my best capacity. I know that I can do better if only I am willing to push my self a little bit harder. I know I placed one for a reason, I know I achieved my last GPA not because I played all day and slept all night. I know if I try harder, I can fix it.
A week to go before my final exam. There is no late when it comes to this. Whatever the end result is, if I try harder on my final exam, I know that eventually I will happy whatever the result will be because that is my last-week-effort. I probably done even better than some people who work all semester. I shouldn't questioning my capability anymore.
I should be reminded that I am doing this firstly for me. For a better future. For my dream job. For my dream to contribute anything to this country as a gratitude for having me on them for all my live. For my parents who gives me such comfort and support and love every single day. For my brother and sister so that they could have someone to look-up for. For all the people around me who will heard my name and proudly said, "I know her". For....okay this sounds a little bit like Grammy Award isn't it?....
Okay, I should probably stop and go back studying. Wish me luck for the proceeding exams xx
lotsaluv-
Sandya
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