340/365

Mungkin terlalu dini buat ngejudge kalau tahun 2015 is definitely not my year.

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or not?

Sudah menginjak hari ke 340 di tahun 2015, and I feel like I contribute nothing to the world. Jangankan to the world, I didn't even feel like upgrading my self this year. Like for the whole year, I'm just a dead-man walking yang kerjaannya cuma bangun-do the same routines each day-tidur, and repeat.

Not to mention that this is the first time I've ever made a resolution. Guess what? It's a total crap. I achive nothing, not even the thing that I aimed earlier this year. So yeah, I won't make any for the proceeding year.

Start with my habits, this is the year that for the first time I went home at 4 in the morning without my parents. I ain't satan but I don't usually go and be outside after 12 am. But this year, it's common for me to go home after midnight while I actually dont feel really good about it. And by the way, I did that A LOT.

Second, I did something that I am not usually done. I usually did it periodically but this year..well.....

Third, I often left my room messed. I am not a person with a clean obsession or stuff but really....my room this year more likely called as a Titanic leftover most of the time. I only cleaned on weekend or when somebody come over. Omg yang kaya gini udah mau nikah? Pfft...

Then, I FRIGGIN LOST MY PHONEEEEE. I dont think I needed to explain that further.

The most annoyed thing to me; I shop more and I read less. Like it was impossible to me to finished one book even for a week when I usually finished one in 2 hours. In contrast, I almost shop approximately 800.000 each week for stuff I can't even trace right now, and that is exclude the money I spent for fancy food. It even worse last month, I spent almost 3 fuckin million rupiahs for makeup, toiletries, and skincare. Padahal gue ga pernah makeupan kalo kemana-mana. Yeah, courtesy to youtube and instagram, by the way.

Not to mention about how lonely I feel this year. I found that most of my friends are drifted apart. We keep in contact but I barely enjoyed the time. Are they changing or am I?

And oh, this break me so much. I didn't do very well academically; I assigned myself to two volunteers project and I was rejected; I don't really active on campus activity-exactly the opposite me last year. That, is what makes me really feel that I am failed this year. I think about this thing actually more than I supposed to. I started to feel that I worth less more than I really am (thanks to social media too, for setting the standard ridiculously). The point is, I have too many negative vibes this year which I don't blame to anyone because most of them came from my self.

But this morning, a friend of mine gave me a good news. A news that I think could make my perspective about this year become more positive. A news that brings me hope to spend the last 25 days of 2015 with optimism. A news that made me procrastinate studying taxation for tomorrows mid-test:'>

I am really excited about this and hopefully this thing can be realized and I can be a part of it. This is like my only chance to save 2015!!!

I'll update later, finger crossed everybody xx-

Sandya