edisi curhatan malam

HAAAAAAAAAAH

did you know that I lost my phone a couple days ago?
and I lost some money too..

I think I was hypnotized, because I didn't really remember what happened back then
the next thing I know is that my wallet was empty and my phone has gone.
that phone.....barely has a scratch on it yet, it was probably one 1 year old:((
and btw, it was the first phone that my parents fully bought me, and I feel soooo awful that I've lost it.
besides, the price nowadays is still so damn expensive.

anyway, talking about the post-traumatic...
I am litterally scared of going out and walking alone.
I used to go everywhere by myself; I used to be independent and fearless-and I thought it was a good thing.
Many people has reminded me not to go all by myself, but I've used to be alone. I think I enjoyed being alone and I am okay with it.
But maybe God wanted to remind me that it is not, that I can't go alone all the time, I still need other people.

2 years in the Cap City, I am doing just fine. I never see Jakarta the way media describes it.
But now, I really felt that Jakarta has no grace, if you want to survive, you have to be strong enough.
I think I am not strong enough :((

I want to give up.

Not to mention that I am not doing really good in my exams.
I regret those wasted times, I shouldn't be that careless.
I just wanted to have an increasing GPA, for God's sake.
I am tired having a decreased one back then in PU.
Can't I have one in here? Please?

This week is not a good week for my mind.
I am mentally drowned.

:((-
Sandya

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Sudden thought on D-3 Final Exam

This is just a friendly reminder.

About how we should focus on what we already have, instead of counting what we haven't have.

Because sometimes we become forget to be grateful.

I had just realized that I have such a wonderful family.

I have a complete parents who happened to love me so much and always try to fulfill not only my needs but also my wants.

A strong mom who always hold me whenever I am about to giving up, whose presence I've always craving for, who 24/7 do her role as my personal cook, my safe driver, my financial advisor, my family's accountant while at the same time doing her job as a government officer; who always motivates me in every possible way (and by EVERY, I do mean it :p) even she might be a little confuse and careless sometimes, it doesn't decrease the respect I have for her and the love I feel everyday. She always be the perfect mother to me and I couldn't ask for more.

A smart dad who inspires me a lot, who always have the answers to every question I've asked, who always protect me as his little girl no matter how big I've grown; who always become the king in my heart. He can be a little bit tempramental and impatient but I think that is just how boys are:p this man never loose faith on me, he always proud of my achievement no matter how small it is, and that is what I am living for.

I have a brother and sister, which never left me wondering what does it feel to have a brother or a sister because I have both! They are indeed could turn out to be a pain in the ass, and I suddenly become broke everytime I go home just because I have to take them to a fancy restaurant and pay for it; but it all worth it.

My brother might be seems careless, but he actually pay attention to what happening in me. And turns out by the time he's grown, he'd become my personal guardian (along with my personal driver since he got his driving lisence, which make me become laziiiiier to drive)

My sister might wore my clothes without permission, she might kicked me out of MY room and said the only thing that left of me in the house is only my closet (I'm getting tired of hearing this one) but she never stop cooks me Kue Cubit or Egg Bennedict or Grilled Salmon or even Martabak Mi! And I start to wonder, who is the older sister, again?....

No matter how autis I become, how embarrasing I turn out, but they will always see me as their role model, and that is what keeps me to pull myself.

I got the best college to learn Accounting and the exact place to work where I wanted to be since.....forever?

I got the chance to learn from the best, and compete with Indonesian's excelence even though SOME of them seems can't enjoy life the way I do.

I had some friends for life, who will be by my side-like some clichè will said, "for better or worse".

I never had difficulties to make friends; I have friends from all kind of genre. Ofcourse, not all of them I'd like to call best friend, but at least I will never have to spend my time with my self, or run out of topic to talk.

I had the chance to study miles away from home, had the comfort that not all of my fellas could have the chance, yet I still complained about how hard my life turns out whenever I go back to the cap city: where there is no mommy to cook me food, or no daddy to drive me for school.

I had the decent room, with luxurious facilities while there are some of my driends have to share their small room for two without any air conditioner.

I had enough money from my parents to go to Sbux 4 times a week, eat meat 3 until 2 times a day (no wonder I gained so much weight, duh), or buy a new clothes and shoes every once in a while.

And I had the chance to go home at least 3 times a year, while others have to wait till they're graduate.

Oh, not to mention that my parents surely had the chance to visit me in between :">

I never actually had the difficulties to learn. Well, it's my fault that I spend 7 from 8 weeks of lecture playing around and hanging out every night. Not to mention that I always play handphone in the classroom. But still, (without any intention to brag) I've done better than probably half of the class? 

If we only look upside, we will never feel enough. It is actually okay to look upside but that is just for motivation. To show us that there is a possibilities to do better than this.

But you could know your limits too!

The point is, I have to remember that I have probably most of people the thing that they're still praying for, and I couldn't help my self but moan and complain and blame how life could be this cruel to me.

And in anytime soon, if I do it again.

I beg you to slap me right in the face, before life does.

So, Sandya. Let's be grateful. No need to complaining so much because there are so many people who wants to be in your place, or maybe be you.

May Brahman always enlightning your soul so you will never lost in the Adharma path. Astungkara.

Blessed-

Sandya❤️❤️

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